you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
