I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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