I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
