I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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