I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
