i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
