I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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