and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
