She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
