She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
