Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
