Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
