Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
