He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think a kid would responsible me up
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
