youre lurking in front of me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
