I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize