you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
