you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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