i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize