There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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