I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
