Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
