my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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