yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
