He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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