He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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