Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
