We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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