He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
