I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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