I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
