Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
