Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
