It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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