Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
