So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
