I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
