you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize