Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
