I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize