Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
