we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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