he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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