I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
