if i can run in heels then i can drive
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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