i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
