Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
