At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
