Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
