i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
