it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
