No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
