I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
