she woke up with a sticky ear
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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