She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
