fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
