i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
