FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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