I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
