thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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