RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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