I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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