We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
