I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
