and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
