For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
