Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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