tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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