we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
