How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he was CRYING into my vagina
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
