I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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