it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
