I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
