we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
