There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
