i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
