420 ftw
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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