...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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