I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
lol hangovers are for mortals.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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