One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize