how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
