You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
