Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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