my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
