All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
