To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
