I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
