Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
