so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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