I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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