I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
