I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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