HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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