I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize