im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
