oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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