I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
