Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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