Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My dick has a subreddit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
