I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
