ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
