using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
