Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
