I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
