Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
