question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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