I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
