Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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